Letting Go

I’m thinking about letting go for Lent. Yes, I’ll give up my usual things like coffee, sweets, alcohol, but I’m trying to taste something different. I received a clue from a dream the other night.

I was in a familiar setting, alone in my Respiratory department at the hospital. It was a quiet day, peaceful. The feeling was one of calm. A young woman nursing a baby appeared, but she was relaxed and friendly. I noticed a chalky blue powder on the floor and went to get my mop to clean it up. Then I saw the baby was sitting on the floor, playing at “cleaning” with a wet rag. She was quite content and concentrated on her play.

More young folks entered the room and the scene morphed into my home. Everyone was courteous and friendly. These were mature, competent adults. The father of the child was preparing a bath for her in a portable tub that stood conveniently waste-high, in the middle of the floor. I was still looking for my brooms and mops.

Finally, I found my cleaning closet, with all my things hanging on a rack that one of the guys had attached to the outside of the cabinet. It was a bit hard to get at them because the cabinet was so close to the wall. But they had needed the cabinet space to put their things in.

Seeing their things in my cabinet, I realized that all these nice young people weren’t just visiting. They were here to stay. With the realization, my inner state changed. Instead of being relaxed, I was all jangled and upset. I’d need to talk to my husband when he came home to see how to handle this upsetting situation.

Should we read them the riot act? But that didn’t feel right, considering the future world situation, and Mr. Bennett’s injunction that a new paradigm is needed if we are to survive. That rather than Bigger is Better, we need to believe in Less is Best. And believe the needs of others come first.

Not withstanding those thoughts, I was still tied up in knots and didn’t know what to do. The peaceful, pleasant scene I’d been enjoying had turned dark and threatening. Yet nothing had changed externally. Everyone else was going about their business as before. Looking around, I realized that I still had a house, food, all that I’d always had. The only thing that was different was my inner attitude. Instead of being welcoming it was now unwelcoming. Everything else around me remained the same.

Letting Go

In the dream, I realized that all I had to do to enjoy my life within this new scenario, was to let go of my negative attitude. It seemed so simple and straight forward! In reality, I know that’s not true.

So why is letting go of an attitude, often based on imagination, hard to do? How do I work at letting go? One of the themes at Sherborne was Unhooking. That may be a way in. I think I’ll work at letting go of held attitudes, as part of my Lenten practice this year.