The reality of trying to line myself up on the fly to remember a specific inner task is this: It didn’t work but it gave an insight. Last week I wrote a high falutin’ blog piece about Feeling I; Sensing Am. Contemplating this post during my morning’s jog, I remembered the task I’d recently suggested, … Read more
“I” is a feeling, “Am” is a sensation in the I Am exercise as I’ve newly rediscovered. On our course at Sherborne I was introduced to stops during practical work. We would pause from our physical labor, be it gardening or construction or cutting wood, breath in “I” and exhale “Am.” I remember breathing in, centering … Read more
There is a place, a place of unknowing. I’ve been there. The problem is, how do I get there? Letting Go of Knowing I need to let go of knowing, of thinking I know; of insisting that I “understand” something in order to position myself in a familiar place. By understanding something I’ve already boxed … Read more
There’s a still, quiet, readiness I recognize from movements. It’s taken a long time to get there. Movements, Phase I When I was introduced to movements as a twenty year old, they were not that appealing to me. Too angular, too militaristic for my ballet influenced sensibilities. Then I experienced how they can change one’s … Read more
My understanding about chief feature is this: That each of us has an inherent central “feature” which is at the core of who we are and how we manifest. Everyone’s chief feature is unique. Gurdjieff called it chief fault. It was suggested to me by Mr. Bennett as the tint of glass through which I … Read more
Mr. Bennett gave the STOP! exercise sparingly. Sometimes it came during meals on our course at Sherborne. I would be talking with tablemates, or distractedly looking for the salt, or trying to get Jack’s attention. Suddenly the chatter would be rent with Mr. Bennett’s deep voice commanding STOP! Everything would freeze. My movement, my voice, … Read more
Why is not knowing so hard for me? There were technical questions about lymph nodes and blood cells I needed answered. Michelle is asking me to give up wanting to understand what is happening inside of her. My suspicion is this is hard for me because “knowing” is comfortable. It makes me feel safe, grounded. … Read more
I’m dealing with tumultuous emotions. My daughter-in-law, Michelle, has cancer and is recovering from major surgery. This has all transpired in the past six weeks. My wish is to be available to her and my son in all three centers. Yet my emotions break through at times when I’m thinking or talking to others about … Read more
Gurdjieff developed a theory he called Reciprocal Maintenance. Reciprocal Maintenance has to do with organic life on earth, including humans, being food for the cosmos. I’m learning to understand what this means via eating. Last summer during a seminar I listened to a recording of JG Bennett suggesting an exercise. Be present to the first … Read more
Gurdjieff said, “Make the work your own.” But he didn’t say how to do that. I think I just got a clue what this means from an experience at a recent work event at Claymont. I’ve practiced the morning exercises given by Mr. Bennett for many years. Over that time I’ve come to appreciate that … Read more