Feeling center. It’s taken me a long time to become aware of feelings. I mean that there is sensation in my chest area even when there’s no big emotion going on. Yeah, I know it’s not the same for everyone. But that’s how it was/is for me. My focus is usually inside my head or my way-too-busy body, assuming there is focus.
When I was first introduced to the notion of a “feeling center,” I wasn’t even sure what was being talked about. For me, the word feeling, and emotion were the same. Besides, I had grown up in a family that didn’t often display “emotions.” Yes, I felt loved, and I felt safe, but one just didn’t go around emoting. To me, emotions were big deals. So, I figured that when my feelings were quiet, it was because there wasn’t anything to be emotional about, and that was a good thing.
With the Work, there came a distinction. At least I came away from the course at Sherborne with the perception that there’s a big difference between feelings and emotions. Over time, I became aware how emotions were evoked by my own internal reactions. And mine could range from eliciting an outburst to holding an attitude.
My good friend, Barbara-June, has concluded that emotional reactions should not be seen as “negative.” That it’s worth-while to see our reactions as messages to be listened to. Not necessarily from the “I’m right and you’re wrong” standpoint, but rather to question why one is having this reaction. In her work, this exploration can lead to very positive inner growth.
Exploring Feeling Center
For me, I’m still working to explore my feeling center. When I sense my breast and solar plexus, as in “sensation,” I am more and more aware of the subtleties of feeling that are there, whether I’m attending to them or not. More often, I’m aware of what I do call “negative emotions” and finding ways to work with them.
Too often, the notion of “not expressing negative emotions,” as proposed by many in the Work, results in a sublimation of them. Thinking I am “not expressing,” I push them into a deeper part of myself and end up with an outburst. Ye old passive/aggressive pattern.
But as work with sensation and attention becomes part of life, I can catch a tension in my jaw or neck or stomach when I’m reacting. If I’m working, I can see and connect the reaction with the tension. If I’m really working, there’s a moment where I can relax the tension and somehow the reaction dissipates. When this event happens, it is quite different than simply “not expressing.”
Beyond this, there is another level of work with the feeling center which has to do with “higher” or “objective” feelings. That work is on a different order and involves an opening to, and allowing of, something that can enter. In observing our own feeling center, our habitual reactions, and tensions, we take a first step.