How Impressions Come In

How Impressions Come In

How do impressions come into us? Here are some recent experiences.

Last week was my husband Jack’s birthday. I was concerned that it wouldn’t have that special “birthday” feeling for him since I’d tested positive for COVID the day before. That put a pall over the day which I’d worried might spill onto his birthday.

But that morning he was upbeat, starting with early calls from both his children. Even from my isolation in the bedroom, my perception was of a festive day. I saw how this impression was coming from my feelings.

Yesterday was interesting too in this regard. I’d had symptoms for several days but wrote them off as a cold and carried on. As soon as I tested positive, I felt sick. The whole day changed, and plans had to be rearranged. It occurred to me to look at this negative turn of events thru impressions.

The impression of my inner state was atypical. I decided not to push through any of my usual agendas but to monitor what was incoming. In opening to that, I had two clear insights. One was that I had not truly thought about Jack’s birthday and what he might like. The perception was one of seeing the value that I hold for him and had not given priority to. The other was a sense of being inside of my now and taking in the impression of separation, of letting go, of resting my constant doing.

Taking in Impressions  a la Gurdjieff

Parallel to all this, I chanced upon notes of an exercise Gurdjieff gives in the Third Serries, Life is Real Only Then, When “I Am.” An exercise I have worked with in the past. It involves dividing the attention between taking in the finer elements of the air and becoming aware of impressions as “particles” that move through the head brain and can be directed down to the solar plexus. So—attention, awareness, allowing (letting go), and feeling.

As with most of the exercises I am familiar with, this is a very active way of working. It feels different from what was happening with being sick. With the body occupied fighting a bug, impressions were more internal and less external. Rest was called for. My awareness was directed within, rather than without. Still, impressions were coming in. By directing my attention inwards, I allowed an awareness of what was noticed to be felt.