The Subject of Death

On the subject of death, I’m not done.

The old ornamental cherry tree just beyond the deck is where I hang birdfeeders. I eat on the deck and sit in the twilight to watch the birds. They have given me great joy throughout the years.

However, I was not happy to see a family of blackbirds at the feeders and splashing in the water fountain. Blackbirds don’t appeal to me like chickadees, nuthatches, finches, cardinals and woodpeckers.

So, when I came out onto the deck this morning and saw a pile of black feathers at the foot of the steps, I figured it was one of the blackbirds. At least it wasn’t one of the birds I “like.”

Then I noticed what looked like splatters of red paint across the deck. At first glance, I figured Jack had not cleaned up after an art session. But then I realized it must have been the bird trying to escape its fate.

Sweeping up feathers and mopping the blood spots, I felt sad. Sad for the blackbird, sad for enticing birds when I know my next-door neighbor is the neighborhood cat lady. But also, sorry for the blackbird’s family.

Death as Theme

In fact, since the subject of death seems to be a theme for me lately, I’ll share something.

The notion of honoring the dead and one’s parents, has been rattling around in me for a while. Neither my culture nor my upbringing includes family altars or ongoing rituals around the subject of death. I rarely pray for the dead outside of the “in the silence of our own hearts” moment in church.

There’s a feeling I’ve been missing something important for my spiritual growth. A need to make conscious efforts to acknowledge, remember, and honor my dead in an active way.

A Gift in Death

So, while sweeping up bird feathers and dumping them into the trash I didn’t feel right. I needed to honor this bird; it was what I could do. I kept one little feather and imbued it with the intention to start an altar to honor the dead.

This black bird, which I didn’t like alive, has taken on a meaning for me in death. It is gifting me the decision to become active in honoring my parents and others who have been part of my life. The souls whom I owe a debt to.

Gurdjieff addresses this and even gives an exercise for helping one’s parents after they are gone. We lose an important opportunity by avoiding the subject of death. It’s a topic that needs to be part of life.