This little light of mine, I’m gonna make it shine…
The other day I caught myself wondering what earthly good my little inner-work efforts are, anyway? I see the suffering from war in Ukraine. I’m aware of the interwoven cultural-historical relationship between Russian and Ukraine, an obvious cause for anguish with many international families. Close to home, my own family is dealing with the reality of cancer. In the face of all this hardship, my focus on inner growth seems of little value, perhaps even selfish.
Sure, I could go find organizations to join and volunteer work to do against the injustices of the day. Yet here I am. Why am I not called to do that? If nothing else, after all these years, I recognize myself. I know I am not that volunteer person. I know and respect those who do good works—they carry their own light into the world.
The inner work is my world, a place I try to carry my light into. I am not sure what good it does. I certainly am not the enlightened being I thought I would be by now. In fact, I’m undeniably ordinary. But there’s something in knowing that, too. Once upon a time, within Gurdjieff’s Science of Idiotism, I thought I was an “enlightened idiot.” When I tumbled from that ladder I found myself glad to start over again as an Ordinary Idiot.
Let it Shine
I’m not sure I can express this, but in the moment of feeling the smallness of my contribution, I also feel its worth. It comes to me that to God, or whatever higher source is out there, every little bit counts. And the little bits count as much as the big bits. Like the poor woman Christ saw put her last mite into the offering plate.
What I know is that it matters where the effort comes from. This inner work is real for me. Through my practice of morning exercise, contemplation, movements, group work and the work of expanding my understanding, I become more real. More able to see myself, even an imperfect self. More able to act from a real place which is its own contribution.
Bit by bit, I’m learning to let my little light shine.
This speaks volumes for me and helps me get over my little hurdles in the grand scheme of all that is!
Dear fellow ordinary idiot: two things crossed my mind as regards this latest post of yours. You may recall my saying to you, probably not long after we met, that my introduction to the Gurdjieff work was through the commentaries of Nicoll. There’s one story about a student of his desparing over an incident in London, where a cart of crabs was overturned and many crabs were crushed to death. Nicoll used this to bring to mind of his students the need to non-identify, to not become the ‘crabs of Curzon Street.’ A small incident but the kind of thing that draws our force away from ourselves each and every day (if I recall correctly, the crab story was simply something read in the paper). Greater trauma like family cancer and war in Ukraine effect us more deeply, but they are still events which will go on regardless of our attention to inner work. So yes, we must keep being attentive inwardly, regardless of the deep of traumas and distraction outwardly. It’s all just ‘crabs on Curzon Street.’ The other thing I recall now and then is something Mrs. Stavely said when I was in attendance one day at her work-farm outside Portland, OR. “We must knead the dough of ourselves” without expectation of accomplishing in the end the baked bread. I’ve long thought this Way will never be as popular as, say, traditional Christianity or Islam because there are no harps on white clouds or virgins in the end. No promises. Just do what you can when you can do it, and let it go. All easy for me to say but when am I ever aware and attentive to myself? Rarely. Why don’t I ever ‘get better?’ But this cold fact and this worry are just something else of which I need to let go. Evan
Good to hear from you, Evan. Keep your little light burning and give my love to Hallie!
Subtle shift from the opening “make it shine” to the ending line “let it shine,” which, I believe is the wording in the original song. Thomas Huebl.com is offering “The Ukraine Crisis – Cultivating Global Social Witnessing in the Face of War” with Thomas Huebl (also often spelled Hubl) today from 1 to 2:30 EDT on Zoom. His work is, to my mind, genuine fourth way teachings in a very current context. It is an example of how to let your conscious witnessing be felt in a global setting. We are the third side, the witnesses to global trauma, whether we engage in overt activism or not. So, we are called, as you say in humility, to let it shine, cooperatively.
Thanks Chuck, yes—in whatever way we can (and do). Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!