I don’t mean “where am I now” in the sense of waking up and remembering myself. Although that is always a good idea. No. I mean “where am I now” in my Work.
It’s been almost six months since the deep dive into participating in collective leadership of Claymont’s three-month Course of Study. I stepped away from most group work during and after that period. This has also been a time of expanding my inner work with new exercises and participating in related seminars. Most recently, I set even that aside to go on a five-day meditation retreat.
Surprisingly, I find myself a bit at loose ends. That may be a good thing. A harbinger of opening to something new. When we are content it is rarely a sign of work. My habit is to fill my schedule with Doing. I like having my days and weeks organized and my time filled with checking off the to do list. But then, where is the space for the new to enter?
I have found a good practice in saying, “I don’t know.” That alone seems to create an opening. When I leave myself open to the unknown, I create room for what is not a repeat of the tried and true. By carrying a wish to listen for what is being asked, a directive may come.
When that directive enters through the heart and informs the mind, and my body resonates with a “yes,” then I know this is something to pay attention to.
Usually, I just have bright ideas, which is a sure sign of self-will, at least in my case. The tip-off to the other, is that my head probably doesn’t want to say yes. In fact, I’m likely to come up with all sorts of good reasons why I can’t. Just like in movements, the experience doesn’t come when the head thinks it must be in charge.
Mr. Bennett provides a role model. He had a knack for saying yes to the impossible. It wasn’t his idea to start a school, yet he kept “hearing” the call to do so. He said yes despite the odds, and it became the defining experience for hundreds of students’ lives.
So, I find I have to ask myself the question, where am I now in terms of my work? Can I open to what is being asked, and do that in the presence of unknowing? Unknowing in a way that allows me to hear what I am not expecting, open enough to be able to respond.