There’s an undertow of resistance in me lately. Up to now, I’ve been cruising along feeling good in myself and balanced. The demands of Claymont’s Course of Study once again falling into a doable pattern that has become part of life. So why this amorphous sense of disquiet?
I find myself asking questions. Am I really working on myself? Making the right efforts? Am I even listening to what is truly being called for? Where is the “anything but that” choice? Do I want to know? Do I want to Work?
What’s become of all that Abundance I was feeling a few weeks ago?
Where is Resistance Coming From?
Is this resistance coming from the ego that doesn’t want to work or from something that is telling me to let go of familiar structures. Perhaps I’m being called to branch out to the unfamiliar and leave my comfort zone behind.
But there’s resistance to this, too. If I have something to share, then perhaps I need to do more of what I’m already doing. For instance, I could make an audio recording of my book, but I haven’t. I’d like to publish the book in Russian. I have a translation, but I haven’t acted on it. Where is this resistance coming from?
Then again, the sense of drag, of vague negativity, could simply be the shift from summer into fall. That sense of loss, of winter coming on, of folding-in which is felt rather than known. The seesaw has shifted and suddenly I’m on the ground with a bump I wasn’t expecting.
Because I can’t quite put my finger on where the resistance is coming from, or even what I’m negative about, it begs the question—where is my work in this?
Working with Resistance
My immediate response, should I be available, is to try presence. Essentially — sensing myself and checking-in. If I’m negative about someone or something I can address that with inner work. Otherwise, how do I feel? Am I OK in this moment or is there an immediate need to take care of. Do I need a glass of water, a nap; to do something fun for a change?
If my wellbeing is ok in this moment, then I can switch my focus outward. Attend to something tangible that is useful. Engage my moving or intellectual center away from myself. Help a neighbor, pick up roadside trash, do something creative, study an idea.
The question is, is this resistance transitory or more deeply rooted. If it is transitory, and perhaps that’s all it is, then I can use it as a reminding factor to work. If it is more deeply rooted, I can contemplate what it is about and take steps to do some work around that. Either way it becomes useful, which is already a shift from the negative.
Thank you for this ponder Roberta, it happens.. but then the question of What Happens or happened, becomes a theme for our Work & some part (I) wants to Make it better rather than find the possible key to transform it .. I’ve been appreciating your ‘Oh Goodie’, but the question remains of how, when the reminding factor comes from seeing something inner.. as happened to me last night…
Reading the kitchen enneagram this morning a phrase particularly struck me JGB says ‘Something we will call an “Invisible Pattern” has now come into the kitchen’.. & I am struck by how seldom we see our own change of state as part of the invisible pattern in an enneagram of process.. and then what?
ooh, wow – this is great! Thank you Hajah, for going somewhere with this post – what a great thread to follow.
Very much in line & very useful for what I’m hoping to talk about on Saturday to cos2.. Reminding factors.. always thank you Roberta 😏
Two things come to mind. One is that we need resistance. If it was always “all roses” then where is the possibility for something greater? A seed needs to push through the earth. How does it work with that resistance. On the other hand, I remember the Borg from Star Trek and their mantra “Resistance is futile.” Maybe something else will come calling soon. After all, we are always changing.
Yes to that, Lavinia. We do need the resistance, and the friction. This subtle generalized resistance seems to especially come at me this time of year. But now that I recognize it, I’m hoping it will become a catalyst for renewal. It’s turning it to account (as a reminding factor if nothing else) that both gets me out of the rut and redirects my negativity towards something positive. A small harnel-aoot passage, perhaps. But back to resistance as friction, I often think of the Work as an isometric exercise: periods of effort (resistance) then periods of relaxation.
Resistance is always there, always. It’s effect on us varies. We try to bring order to things but resistance is the opposite of that. My sheik use to say if what we are doing makes us tired it’s because we resent what we are doing.
That is SO true! I leaned a long time ago, attitude makes all the difference.