How do I “stay out of the way?” And why do I want to do this? What does it mean?
I often contemplate about not being selfish. Mostly because I see that I am. Or at least I think I see.
The thing is, I’ve become more aware of the admonition that Gurdjieff gives about not practicing the Work for my own benefit, but so that I can help others. That is a tricky business.
Being in the Way
First off, OF COURSE I’ve been practicing the work for my own benefit. Right from the very beginning—I stated it in my memoir; I wanted to become a “good person.” It took decades for me to finally realize all this work wasn’t about fixing my unpleasant characteristics. What a waste of time and energy trying to do that was!
Since then, it’s become more about “being.” Whatever that means. But something in me has been shifting, trying to let go of judging and being the one who knows. I’ve begun to focus on being more open. Where am I inside myself in front of this or that? Instead of seeing what others should do, looking at what I can do.
But the problem remains. How is this not about me?
How can I stay out of the way so something can come through me that is not coming from my self-interest. How the heck do I help others and not have it be on my terms or for my self-satisfaction. Ah, now it begins to sound like work.
I don’t know how to do this because it’s always about me. Even when I don’t want or think that it is.
Staying Out of the Way
So how do I stay out of my own way? Well, I have learned some things about myself along the way. For example, I know I talk too much. So, I can work on keeping my mouth shut. Not as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes I hear the sound of my voice, which gives me pause. Often, I work on relaxing my inner state – the one that wants to jump in and share my wisdom. Sensation helps to keep my head occupied by directing attention to other parts of my body.
I’ve learned to cultivate curiosity and find it rewarding when someone opens themselves or shares something they might not have if I’d chimed in just then.
But more than these moments of work, I see my motivation shifting. I find a growing Wish to be of help—to that Something I do not Understand. What if Help comes through me, not from me? What if just by staying out of the way and Being, that could happens?
Thank you Roberta, I recognise much of this, although my motivation was possibly different most of the symptoms I recognise in myself.
I am remembering my first weekend at Sherborne as a visitor, in his talk to us Mr. B said ‘ We come into the Work, because we have seen that we cannot help’.. which was pretty meaningful to me, so I naively asked if ‘Now we are in the Work, can we help?’ He replied ‘No you have to go a very long way before you can help.’ It left a deep impression on me of course..
While reading your blog today, I was thinking how it is something much deeper which draws us into the Work, than our naive aspirations & which keeps us here through thick & thin, & the image came of an egg.. symbolism for Ego… and how the chick doesn’t developed unless the egg is fertilised’
Then the image came of that very small dark thing we sometimes find in our boiled egg.. which if the circumstances are beneficial will develop into embryo.. into chick.. hatch.. & then go through all the stages & progressions until it can lay its own eggs, that is if it survives being eaten, in which case its evolution is potentially different.. see the Food Enneagram…
So the least we can do is to set ourselves to eat eggs & roast chicken consciously. Which might be an analogy for Work on Myself.
Sorry about banging on, but the egg image was fun to explore. Xx
HI Hajah,
Love the comment and the analogy. Yes to Mr. B’s comment – “we have to go a very long way” and even then, we most likely only “help” when we have no idea that is what we’re doing, so it isn’t coming from ‘me.’ Meanwhile, like you say, we can at least eat our egg and chicken and greens consciously. At least we can ‘do’ that, when we’re working. sending love, r