Something in me has been forming over the years. This “something” might be called real “I” or real Will. But like a child, it needs nurturing to help it grow strong and healthy.
I have a responsibility towards it. Which is to learn how to prepare and serve meals from air and impressions.
But this “something” also requires attention, love, schooling, and yes, even discipline. The discipline of following a practice which involves many aspects. Learning how to direct attention, develop one’s feeling center, and study laws of world creation and world maintenance are examples.
Like My Children
In some respects, like with my own children, I hope this schooling goes both ways. In that this “something” will eventually be teaching me. Even calling the shots. But to have that relationship, I must teach my various selves to listen when it speaks. Taken seriously, part of the schooling of this young “something” involves the participation of my physical, emotional, and mental bodies.
There is a special exercise that JGB developed. When properly guided and practiced diligently it addresses this.
But like a child who is looked after, the freedom to play and grow on its own is also important. In fact, this “something” in me needs long periods of time away from me, away from the prying eyes of my ego.
Left to Grow
I used to think of it like a fetus in the womb, best undisturbed, best left to grow without constant prying. In fact, best to forget all about it.
Yet I still hope for its well-being. My job is to feed, educate, and allow it to grow. By doing these things knowledge and wisdom accrue in me too.
Once the something in me reaches adolescence, it reveals itself more often. It is less susceptible to corruption from ego. And every once in a great while, I see that my efforts have borne fruit, that there has been change.
Until it is fully grown, however, I dare not give it a name. At this point when I periodically become aware of it, I do not cling to it. Again, it’s best left to fade into the shadows to pursue its maturing.
I continue to nurture it in all the ways I know, wishing this something in me to become strong enough to emerge an adult, like a fully formed Monarch from its chrysalis.