I, too, am food. The depth of this reality has been evolving in me since last summer, when two things coincided. First, I listened to a 1973 recording of Mr. Bennett giving the exercise of trying to be present to the first bite of food. Second, I was introduced to a practice of cupping my … Read more
What is this wanting to remember? I saw last week that when something in me, like my self-interest, is involved it wakes me up. I was entering a room for a meeting and suddenly remembered to sense the doorknob. A task I had set and failed to accomplish a short time earlier. In the split … Read more
The reality of trying to line myself up on the fly to remember a specific inner task is this: It didn’t work but it gave an insight. Last week I wrote a high falutin’ blog piece about Feeling I; Sensing Am. Contemplating this post during my morning’s jog, I remembered the task I’d recently suggested, … Read more
“I” is a feeling, “Am” is a sensation in the I Am exercise as I’ve newly rediscovered. On our course at Sherborne I was introduced to stops during practical work. We would pause from our physical labor, be it gardening or construction or cutting wood, breath in “I” and exhale “Am.” I remember breathing in, centering … Read more
There is a place, a place of unknowing. I’ve been there. The problem is, how do I get there? Letting Go of Knowing I need to let go of knowing, of thinking I know; of insisting that I “understand” something in order to position myself in a familiar place. By understanding something I’ve already boxed … Read more
There’s a still, quiet, readiness I recognize from movements. It’s taken a long time to get there. Movements, Phase I When I was introduced to movements as a twenty year old, they were not that appealing to me. Too angular, too militaristic for my ballet influenced sensibilities. Then I experienced how they can change one’s … Read more
My understanding about chief feature is this: That each of us has an inherent central “feature” which is at the core of who we are and how we manifest. Everyone’s chief feature is unique. Gurdjieff called it chief fault. It was suggested to me by Mr. Bennett as the tint of glass through which I … Read more
Mr. Bennett gave the STOP! exercise sparingly. Sometimes it came during meals on our course at Sherborne. I would be talking with tablemates, or distractedly looking for the salt, or trying to get Jack’s attention. Suddenly the chatter would be rent with Mr. Bennett’s deep voice commanding STOP! Everything would freeze. My movement, my voice, … Read more
The horse, the carriage, and the driver is an analogy Gurdjieff uses to illustrate the three centers, the roles they play, and our relationship to them. The horse, representing my emotions, is rather spirited and unruly of late. It’s been rearing at odd moments. The carriage, my physical body, remains in good shape because I … Read more
Why is not knowing so hard for me? There were technical questions about lymph nodes and blood cells I needed answered. Michelle is asking me to give up wanting to understand what is happening inside of her. My suspicion is this is hard for me because “knowing” is comfortable. It makes me feel safe, grounded. … Read more