Convergence is in my life this month with many threads interweaving, touching and informing me. I’m studying and training at Emberlight Center for Conscious Living and Dying as a Direct Care giver. I’m dealing with an in-law’s newly diagnosed illness. My grandson is transitioning from high school to college. All these strands are providing opportunities to grow.
I’ve been looking at the notion of “being available” — what that means and what is my work in relation to this?
According to Gurdjieff, the constant awareness of the reality of death is what helps us be human. Emberlight has provided a point of convergence for my hospital background and my Gurdjieff work. I’m training to be a Direct Care Giver to individuals coming to Emberlight living out their last days. This training is also personally transformative.
How it Comes Together
To be available for a Resident in the Suites, I must be available in myself. Not just present, but working on my own resistances, fears; sorrows. To do that, I need to know what those are. Direct Care training has me looking into myself in new ways, sharing the journey with others; learning to serve those who are dying.
The convergence of the Direct Care training with its three-centered skill set is timely in that I can practice what I am learning in my personal life.
For instance, tips on how to listen help me work on communicating. Repeating what Jack said to see if I got it right. Reflecting on what I thought he meant, then asking what he meant and assessing that. Acknowledging what feeling is evoked in me and voicing it. Seeing what triggers me. I’m discovering how much misunderstanding is caused by my own imagination around what he’s saying.
Life Intervenes and Converges
This training is teaching me in what ways I can best be available for family members as they deal with the angst and logistics of illness.
I’m learning how to work with grief, both my own and theirs. For instance, processing my own grief with my friends allows me to be more available emotionally for them.
If I ask, “what can I do to help?” it puts the burden on them to think of something for me to do.
Instead, I can offer pro-active, concrete help: I can drop off groceries or meals, pick up the kids from school / activities. Or I can just stop by and check-in.
Ordinary can be a balm, I’ve learned. For instance, I invited my son to a movie I knew he’d enjoy since we’d seen less of him lately. My in-law asked to come, which I never would have guessed they’d want to do, dealing with their illness. We all went to the movie and a restaurant afterward. Having a plain old ordinary night out together felt healing for all of us.
Next weekend my grandson celebrates his High School graduation, and we will be attending that. Being open to the convergence of these seemingly divergent threads—illness, training, family events, informs me how to be flexible and positive towards what life brings as a teaching.
It’s hard, worthwhile, useful Work. A recent experience, which confidentiality requires be keot confidential, has shown me that expectations are the enemy of potential. I would love to talk to you about this in general, situational terms, in light of your recent experience and training. Maybe we can do that in personthe next time we are both in Jefferson County. I am especially interested in what your recent training says about traveling the road with someone who is dying when the istated ntentions and aspirations if the person who is dying are different from the stated needs and intentions of a family member.