You know, where I am keeps coming back to haunt me. After my recent foray into what felt like unknown territory, frightening in it’s very unknown-ness, I find myself back here again. Back here with myself. The very self that shimmered for a moment thinking it had transformed. But maybe this wasn’t the faná I … Read more
This is the story of 100 cloth napkins. Once upon a time—a long, long, time ago—in the last century, there was a special kind of school. The things this school taught were not at all what other schools taught. And they were not taught so much with words and letters, but with experiences. This school … Read more
I hardly ever pay attention to how you work. It’s always about how I work, how am I getting on? I mean, in the inner-work sense. The “work on yourself” sense. When I think of others and their process, it tends to be in relation to my own. Does it look like how I’m doing it? … Read more
What’s the difference between habit and identification? I’m wondering about this. For example, there are certain habits that I have, like clearing the dish drainer and wiping the counters before meal preparation. It’s how I am, it’s what I do. I like cloth napkins with meals and making my bed first thing in the morning. … Read more
I too, am food. That thought hit me hard while sitting on my deck in front of a wooden bowl. It was filled with fresh greens, sliced scallions, avocado wedges, Greek olives, roasted red pepper slices, pistachios, and bits of smoked salmon. I had just visualized each of these as vibrant life forms hanging from … Read more
Conscious labor and intentional suffering is suddenly more to me than yet another “work term.” This is because I had a taste of something. To begin with, I have an interest in seeing myself as I am. A wish to connect with others differently. The problem is, I tend to see the parts of me … Read more
What must happen in order not to die like a dirty dog as Gurdjieff warned? How do I get “behind” the dream? (for context, please re-visit last week’s post, Living the Dream.) The first thing that has come to me, is the weighty realization that this question is very personal. Quote me all the Gurdjieff … Read more
Am I living in a dream world? Gurdjieff says, “man is mechanical, man is asleep.” This has always rung true to me. It’s easy to see how forgetful and mechanical I am. All I need do is think about the same stupid arguments I have with my husband all the time. If I was more … Read more
I’ve just received good news and am suddenly wondering what to do with it. My daughter-in-law, Michelle, had a cancerous growth removed from her liver with clean margins. News to be thrilled about after two long years of heart-breaking worry. But what do I do with this good news? I’m used to working with feelings … Read more
