My Relationship with Sensation

My relationship with sensation is expanding, literally. Initially, my experience of sensation was of a prickly, electric, warm, moving, “something” in me.

In the beginning I managed it, moving from arm to leg, to leg to arm, around the body. Skipping one limb each time, I kept my attention engaged. In truth, that was mostly a mental exercise. Until the day I realized I knew which limb to skip because my sensation was reminding me.

I was also in the habit of spending ten to twenty minutes working with relaxation, then sensation, before an actual “exercise” began. That was the way we’d leaned it at school, at Sherborne House. Sensation was practiced by “filling” the body. Putting attention on the feet, allowing sensation to arise there, then slowly pulling it upwards. In those days, it seemed like I was directing the sensation with my attention.

As “filling” became habitual, it felt more like sensation filled-in where my attention led rather than being called up. The instruction to “sense more deeply” had a ring to it, but didn’t mean much to me at that point. Basically, I just wanted to get to the juice—the exercise itself.

This was true for many years.

Fast forward to recent years. It seems like the older and slower I get, the more I find of interest in that preliminary bit of relaxation followed by sensation. I’ve delved into relaxation for instance by taking more time with it, appreciating the change of state it brings.

The same thing is beginning to happen with my relationship to sensation. One very distinct experience was sitting in a hotel room in New Orleans, doing my morning exercise. My mind was ping ponging all over the place and I just couldn’t get it to settle down. Suddenly, I became aware that my sensation had gotten tired of waiting and gone ahead without me. My attention stood by and watched it fill my body. That day marked a change in my relationship to sensation.

Expanding Sensation Work

Two or three years ago, something started nagging me to work with sensation from the skin inwards, rather than the feet up. I finally gave in and tried working that way, discovering that I could “go deeper.” In fact, into my very bone marrow.

Recently a friend introduced his approach to relaxation. His words helped me sink deeply inwards, into a state of relaxation. This was a different experience than that of “draining” tensions from my head downwards.

From within this relaxed state, I discovered that my attention could switch its focus from relaxation onto sensation. From this vantage point inside myself, I worked at training my lens of attention onto the sensation that was already alive. In fact, it was everywhere. The more I sharpened my lens, the more sensation I found. Rather than sensation being something that I direct, that I bring, it is now a discovery of what is already present. An energy body living within.