This is how the Work works— it only works when you do. And what, exactly, does that mean? It means, I am the only one who can change in any given moment.
Like the moment of being profoundly unhappy, or mad, or dissatisfied, especially those moments when these feelings are directed at someone else. When I want the other person to act or be like I wish they would. That moment is exactly my opportunity to Work. Oh, goody!
Except for the fact that there’s a part of me that likes to be the wronged party. Haven’t I heard that I should stand up for myself and express my discontent, in order to find a resolution? Absolutely!
So, I hold on to the hurt or mad feelings to explore them. Which engages my mind. I parse and determine how the other person fails to appreciate me. For example, I review the lengths I go to preparing and presenting a meal. How they never offer to help…oh, the list just gets bigger, and my hurt does too. Now I’m mad. All the good intentions, wanting to please, doing something special, is fuel for my emotional fire. And it’s all his fault!
When It’s Not the Work
But what if? What if he sat there enjoying the late summer morning on the deck, with fresh melon, coffee, blue-berry pancakes and eggs, making me feel good about how well I take care of him? Maybe he’d notice the hummingbirds coming to the feeders I’d just re-filled.
But what would I have noticed?
Would I have noticed my self-satisfaction? Or would I be one more justification removed from tuning-in to who he really is. What truly is meaningful to him?
Working the Work
What if I had sat at the table and used that moment to Work? To look at my reactions and explore my tensions rather than my unhappy thoughts? To use the sensation of tight muscles to engage my attention and disengage my head? Which would place a wedge between my thoughts and negative emotions. Thus, giving me space to breath into my negativity, blend it with bodily sensation, and dissipate it. This is where learning what sensation and blending is, and practicing them, brings in the Work.
If I had used that moment to work, perhaps then I could have transformed my negative reactions. In that transformed moment, I would have been content my love was at my side even though he was troubleshooting on the phone. Even without him paying attention to me, I could have been present to my own impressions of the fading summer, the buzzing hummingbirds. I might have enjoyed my own pancakes, appreciating Jack because he prioritized helping another rather than eating a fancy breakfast on the porch.
This sums “it” up! No one is expecting or asking for the “fancy breakfast” but yourself. That’s why we cannot have & hold expectations for others & their reactions-actions. Each being is experiencing this life on their own wavelength – on their own terms.
One of the very real lessons I am learning-living is the “be here now.” The greatest gift we can share is being fully present with one another & with our selves in each & every moment as much as we are capable.
Life can pass us by while we are busy doing instead of being.
May we all do the Work – in whatever form resonates with us. May we “be here now” and know-experience that this is enough.
Yes!!!
Bless you, Michelle.
You didn’t make the pancakes for yourself? 🙂
Well, apparently yes. And the swept porch, and the beautifully set table, and the filled hummingbird feeders. I’m the one who is more interested in the ambiance of the meal. I have to admit though, the pancakes were a bit on the dry and cold side when it came down to it. Ah, me!