Everything in me felt like not doing movements as we drove home from Asheville June 14th. I had intended to arrive the previous Tuesday, in time to be rested and ready for the International Movements Retreat. But we decided to stay in North Carolina an extra few days, which seemed the right thing to do for a variety of reasons.
Now I had missed sounding the Do of the retreat as well as the first two days of practice. An inner voice cautioned, “Listen to your Self. Your work right now isn’t about jumping on this retreat. You don’t need to get caught up in yet another intense experience.”
To Do or Not to Do
So, I decided to give myself a little space that first morning and check-in with the retreat after lunch to feel it out. Of course, as soon as I arrived, the tug of participation pulled me in. Still, something stood aloof. As if it didn’t matter whether I did movements or not.
On the dance floor, I found myself filling in, not caring which file or row I was in. I was late to the party, after all. Almost all the movements seemed new to me, yet I wasn’t nervous or lost-feeling. I was just there, moving with the person in front of me. In fact, it felt effortless.
After years of doing movements, my body knows how to pick up a rhythm, position a limb, and move feet and head. In fact, I began to find I could “be in the body” of the person in front of me. Without the stressor of “doing it right” my head was free to see patterns which my body incorporated.
Who’s Doing This Anyway?
As the week progressed and the Presentation loomed, I held onto the sense that I was not doing movements. That little “i” of identification, wanting to get it right, was kept at bey and an inner state of calmness prevailed. A state I’ve come to appreciate as the best place to approach movements from.
This was the difference between “me” doing movements and the whole of myself doing movements. Or perhaps better to say Not doing movements. The Movements were the active element and all the parts of myself joined in as best they could.
For years I have participated in demonstrations, open classes, and programs showing others the result of our work on the dance floor. I believe this was among the most stress-free I’ve experienced. Simply because there was less I and more Us.