Transformation—what does that mean? This is my budding enquiry. Like so many words belonging to the Gurdjieff vocabulary, the word is very familiar. Bennett used it to describe the nut of what he was after. We, in this Work, are constantly referencing it. But what do I know about it?
Here I am, fifty plus years in, and I’m just beginning to wonder what transformation is. Really.
I used to think it was about getting rid of my annoying characteristics so I could become “good”. You know, the little devils in me transforming into angels. Well, that may not be too far from the truth. Because I no longer think it has to do with “weeding the garden.”
Rethinking Transformation
It’s true, the unsavory parts of myself provide material for inner work, compost if you like. But now I’m ready to approach this differently. Rather than seeing these as weeds that need to get pulled out, I want to see them as native plants. I want to learn their names, how they arose, what roles they play.
What I’ve been missing is the deep digging. I’m beginning to see that transformation has to do with understanding something about the parts of me I dislike, or that cause me trouble. The work in this is to learn more about each part of myself, to open myself to observing it in a different way.
The thing that helps the seeing of a core truth or central characteristic in myself, is to take the time to build a loving relationship with it. Which seems counter-intuitive when ostensibly it’s undesirable. Yet how many of us have ever found a friend in someone we thought we didn’t (or wouldn’t) like?
Experiencing Transformation
What I’ve been experiencing recently, is that there are pathways into deep parts of myself, often going back to childhood. Gurdjieff encouraged his students to spend time objectively reviewing their earliest memories as if watching a film.
Sometimes one specific incident emerges, especially one that tends to pop up repeatedly. When that happens, treat it as an invitation. Follow the trail into the woods using all three centers and spend time with what is found there. What muscles contract, what thoughts arise, what emotion wells up? We all want attention, even the bits that we buried long ago.
These bits are “people” too. They have their identity, their emotional make-up, roles they play. When we sit with them, “see” them, feel for them, an allowing of true potential can happen. A Transformation, not a dismissal.
And then we can be that little bit more wholly who we are.