The Space Between Remembering and Forgetting

The space between remembering and forgetting, in Gurdjieff terminology, is usually supposed to be filled with “remembering oneself.” At least I thought so and worked at this for some twenty years at Claymont following my Sherborne course. One day I went to see Pierre Elliot, our teacher at Claymont. It was after a very intense period of work over the course of a couple of years. Looking back, I believe that I may have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Pierre had suggested this would be a good time to work harder at remembering myself. After the meeting I walked down the lane from the cottage where he had his office to the Great Barn, where I had parked. I was in an acute state of awareness, coming back to myself with every breath, each step of the way. As my attention became increasingly attenuated, so too did my awareness of forgetting myself. Finally, I was inside a millisecond of time—aware of myself one instant and then aware I had been “asleep” the instant before.

In that moment, my “work personality” fell into an abyss. It was as if Pierre had stabbed me in the back. I had seen the reality that “Man cannot Do” as Gurdjieff so often said. All I was left with was the thought, If Man cannot do, if remembering oneself is not possible, then what the bleep have I been spending my whole life striving for? What is the use of “working?”

I left Claymont that day and did not return to the property for two years. Never again would I be able to approach the Work as I had done in the past. I could not bear to “do” the work. For two years all I could do was carry a hidden question that would bubble up to the surface every now and then, asking “Why?” Finally, I slowly re-emerged. Something in me had shifted and I knew that I had to learn to make effortless efforts. No longer would I walk about “remembering myself.” That was almost thirty years ago.

The Fathomless Gap

This past week I was on Jerry T’s annual silent meditation retreat and something extraordinary has come thru. I discovered a new understanding about that fathomless gap between remembering and forgetting. I have a new appreciation for what Gurdjieff was exhorting his students to work on. The moment between remembering and forgetting.

In the vein of Henri Bortoft’s Hermeneutics, I’ve attempted to capture the understanding that has coalesced in me from Jerry’s retreat in the following:

There’s a space between the moment of remembering oneself and the moment of forgetting. The closer those two moments come, the deeper the chasm between them grows.

This is the Void

Now it is the place I wish to go because that is where I AM

Because I recognize this Wish I have Hope

With all of myself I Believe in finding my way.

Opening, I Obey that which is being asked  

And Lo, the void is full

Where Thou art I

I Am Thou

Love