Something extraordinary happened at the grocery store yesterday. As always, I started out in the vegetable and fruit aisle. It’s been a long time since I’ve witnessed a woman who did not know how to manage her children in public. But there she was, with two young daughters, perhaps six and nine. Her voice was caustic, reprimanding. The youngest began to whine, getting louder and moving towards hysterics.
I could feel my emotions leaning towards annoyance, judgement, censure. So, I pulled back inwardly. I focused my attention on the items I was after and let go of the temptation to assess this woman and her children. Soon I moved away from them, shopping for nuts and fish. As I did so, something in me shifted into a state of awareness without reaction. But sure enough, half-way through my list there they were, the same sour notes prevailing between them. This time I was able to remain in my own space (inwardly and outwardly) and move on.
By the time I’d reached the milk aisle, it was time to use the restroom. Nuts. Of the three stalls, two were occupied and one was out of order. I figured I could go get the milk and ice-cream and circle back.
Just as I was nearing my goal, the unpleasant lady and her kids appeared. I made it into the restroom before they did and slipped into the one free stall. When I came out, the mother went in, reprimanding her girls to be still and stay put. The six-year-old was standing with wet hands, and I asked her if she was looking for the dryer, which was on my side of the sink. No, she said, she wanted to wash her hands. In fact, she was figuring out how to use the soap dispenser and get the water going so she could. I smiled at her and told her she was doing a good job. She glowed at that and said she was “grown up.” The tension of strangers in the bathroom lightened. But that wasn’t the end of it.
As luck would have it, guess-who showed up at the check-out just behind me. For a second, I registered my inclination to ignore them but then became aware that the relationship had shifted. I was firmly in a non-reactive place inside myself, and it seemed to be influencing the mother. Her voice had softened, and she was not scolding the kids.
An Extraordinary Ordinary Moment
I had the impression then, that by including them in my non-reactive atmosphere, the mother was able to lay down her defenses. That seemed to translate into the children not reacting to her in response. As I wheeled my purchases away, I turned, and the little girl and I waved goodbye.
Now and then, one wonders if one’s Work has borne fruit. It’s experiences like this, when something extraordinary happens within the ordinary, that give hope.
Thank you for this lovely reminder.
In similar situations, I’ve noticed an impulse to “fix” the situation somehow, but refrain. You took an opportunity with loving attention, and the situation improved without “fixing.” Well done.
It is so.. meaningfulness in ordinary being, within the ordinary of here and the web of relationally. Growing older, even old :), doing less, with little agenda, is my being in the world offering kind and helpful vibrations, non-reactive energy flowing more often from a authentic humbled self? Is it an unlabeled, unspoken element of what it means to be elders? Thank you Roberta.
The miracle for me, was that I was able to enter into a true non-reactive place (not just in my head) and that somehow, I was able to extend that energetic field to them when I “chose” to do that at the check-out. I do believe some of this is due to practice, some the resultant shifting of energies in this later stage of life.